quand même

my sleeping brain

Just in case I ever have any good ideas when I'm in bed, I keep a notepad on my vanity. Actually, in truth I despise handwriting (and can't read my own anyway) so my notepad is a my Visor Edge with it's portable keyboard. (Seems like an appropriate time to say that I seriously could not live without these two items, especially the Visor. It was a Christmas gift from my parents in 2001, and I use it all the time).

Anyway, the last two days I've had dreams that woke me up. They were particularly weird ones, so I thought I'd write them down...and then it seemed only right to post them on the Internet to remind all my friends what a weirdo I am. (If I told you about my dreams more often, you would need no reminder...I nearly always remember them upon waking, and they're nearly always weird.)

Yesterday, I was awakened by my husband's toenails. This is how it happened:

I have a Tech baseball cap that I bought almost ten years ago, but really only ever wore to football games. This hat is currently in a box in our cave, waiting for us to build closets.

I had this hat on, and was walking on a partially frozen lake. The lake was not frozen in any natural way...rather there were extremely solid places, right next to flowing water...sort of like ice bridges, if you will. Anyway, I was just walking along, wearing my hat, minding my own business, when this fish jumped out of the water and stole my cap! I'm about 5'10, so you can imagine that this was a really huge fish and a really athletic jump.

I started to stick my hands down in the water and reach for this fish, who I could see swimming along with my hat (on his head, of course). He jumped out again, and quickly looped a string around my left ankle. (I suppose he did this with his super-fish fins, but I wasn't paying attention.)

Trying to escape, I started tugging on the string by moving my foot back and forth, to no avail. What I didn't realize was that this sneaky fish had swum under the ice-bridge and was waiting for me on the other side. So, in a particularly strong kick, my foot actually went into his mouth. I could even feel his teeth, and it scared me into waking up.

Yes, Samy's toenails. They're not particularly long or anything...normal toenails...just present enough for my crazy brain to transform them into fish teeth.

This morning's account is a little more typical of the dreams that wake me up on a regular basis. Let me explain:

I need to preface this by saying that during my graduate work in education, I got great practical training, the out-of-class work was normally well-designed, and the reading (when I did it) was stimulating and useful. But for the most part, actual class time primarily consisted of what my friend Becky used to call "touch-y feel-y emotional crap"...i.e., the kinds of activities that may actually be fun, refreshing or group-building, but would in no way, shape, or form *ever* benefit your actual formation as a teacher.

My dream centered on one of these activities, totally invented by my sleeping brain, but not altogether unlike the kinds of activities I could have expected during several actual classes.

It was almost Christmas, and when we walked into this classroom (which was actually a very bright and inviting library), there was a basket filled with the daily assignment and we all, in turn, picked one up. Today's worksheet was unusual...landscape-formatted for starters...and had holly leaves (green, complete with red berries--yes, I dream in color) on all four corners. In the center were two groupings of 5 bold lines, going the full width of the page.

Music staves.

The assignment? Write a Christmas song. You have 15 minutes.

All of my collegues started writing furiously, which led me to believe that they'd somehow known beforehand and had pre-composed their holiday jingles. I had a major case of "composer's-block", mixed in with a healthy dose of "why-the-hell-are-we-doing-this-in-a-class-about-teaching-science?" angst, and couldn't think of anything to write. What was worse was that I knew I was probably the most musical person in there, and everyone would be expecting something spectacular. I reached for my trusty Visor, to use the piano program, but decided that it wouldn't really help me if I didn't have a tune in my head. (Yes, I have the Visor in my dreams too...I am an addict.)

Finally, with only about five minutes left, I decided I'd just have to use a tune everybody knew, and write some stupid words, in surrender.

The first tune that came to my head was the French national anthem.

I cannot write a Christmas Song,
because I just can't see the words.

But then I realized that there weren't any great words to rhyme with the word "words"--and besides, I wasn't entirely sure I knew the whole tune, and that would be even more embarrassing--to steal the song, then sing it wrong.

So I went with familiar tune, still in the same genre. I decided to use the US national anthem. It seemed a bit long-ish though, so I started with the bit where it goes "And the rockets' red glare, the bombs bursting in air.."

Here's what I came up with:

I can't write a Christmas Song,
'cause the words just won't come.
This lyric is weak,
and the tune is from Key.

But then I realized that the tune isn't from Key...so I have to switch "lyric" and "tune" in my jingle...but that doesn't really work, because the tune isn't weak--it's a classic, and saying the lyric is from Key is pretty pointless when I'm the one writing the lyric.

Oh, no! I'm running out of time!

The terror of potential embarrassment, combined with the fact that my brain was actually working overtime writing these horrible lyrics was actually enough to wake me up. Luckily it was 9am...late enough to get out of bed, and early enough that I could write almost all of this while Samy was still sleeping.

I really need a new brain. If you see one on sale pick it up for me, OK?

Posted by amy at February 21, 2004 12:32 PM